Insight

I've been thinking alot lately. Not about anything in particular, just thinking. I've had so many things happen in my life lately that have all succeeded in sending me straight to my knees, all for various reasons. I am constantly being reminded of my Heavenly Father: His love, His plan, His word... and every time I end up right back on my knees with tears streaming down my face grateful for the things He has given me, and, oddly, for the things He has taken away as well.

Most of you probably know that Nick lost his job and ever since then I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. From stress, to acceptance, to questioning, to anger, to sadness, and right back to stress. We made sure we payed our tithing and put our trust in the Lord to help us through. He helped us out by giving us a great tax refund (about $1000 more than we were expecting) and relief in the form of an unforeseen and certainly unexpected severance package from his work.

Not only are we going to make it through this, but we're going to make it through this and be more than okay. The severance that we assumed we would never get (because Nick was considered a temporary part time employee even though he had worked for the company for 4 1/2 years) will allow us to pay off all of our credit card debt and Nick's car, leaving us only with my car and rent for our monthly bills. What an incredible blessing.

I just can't believe this. I remember the despair I felt when Nick told me that he had a week left at his job, wondering what we were going to do and how we were going to make it through. And now all I feel is hope. The dream of owning our own home that seemed so far away and next to impossible now seems like it may actually become a reality by the end of the year, as long as Nick finds work soon. But I'm hopeful about even that at this point.

This experience has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father than I've been in a long time. I know that He has a plan for us, and that if we put our trust in Him and do our part, working hard to achieve our goals, he will open doors for us to make them a reality. I know he will never let us fall, and more importantly, I know He loves me. He loves me more than I'll ever be able to know, and I feel His love all around me. I've been listening to hymns alot in my car and I consistently find myself tearing up as I drive because I feel His love so strongly in the words and the music. "He clothes the lilies of the field, he feeds the lambs of his fold, and he will heal those who trust him, and make their hearts as gold."

I know He will heal us. He will mend broken spirits and give comfort to those in need. He died for us so that we could return to Him again someday. He wants us to be happy, because after all, "men are that they might have joy." We must remember that when we reach the end of all the light we know and take a step into the darkness, if we put our trust in the Lord, one of two things will happen: either we will be given something sold to stand on, or we will be given the wings to fly. I know that is true. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I know it with all my heart, and I love Him too.