Un-Pretty

For a while now, I've had this nagging feeling that I needed to write about this topic, but I've been putting it off for a number of reasons... 1. I don't like talking about it 2. It's a sensitive subject 3. I don't want you to think this is a fishing expedition 4. I haven't felt much like writing at all. But the feeling just keeps on coming, so I sit here writing, wishing I would have worn waterproof makeup today.

All my life I've stuggled with self-esteem and self-worth issues. I've wrestled with that inner voice that screams I'm not good enough, that whispers words of self doubt, that pokes and prods and points out all of my short comings. As I look in the mirror, I have a hard time seeing anything but those things I'm self-conscious of. These feelings of insecurity and self doubt have subsided over the years, from a tsunami into a gentle wave lapping at the edge of a lake, but they are still there. Still under the surface making it difficult for me to look in the mirror and see myself as pretty or beautiful. Sometimes making it difficult to believe my husband when he tells me I'm "smokin' hot."

I know there are other women out there who feel the same way I do. Society has convinced us that we have to be a size 4 to be beautiful, that we have to look and talk and walk a certain way. Lately I've been focusing less on society, and more on myself, trying to see myself the way my sweet husband sees me. As I've focused on self improvement, I've noticed that I have less days when I look in the mirror and sigh, and more days when I look in the mirror and smile.

I know that the Lord has created each of us to be unique and beautiful in our own ways. I know that every single one of my girl friends is a gorgeous, strong, inspiring woman. I know that as we focus on brightening the light that shines within each of us, improving our talents, our health, our spirituality, our charity, we will become more beautiful on the outside as well. Everyday is a struggle, but it is also another opportunity to shine.