In the Lord's Time

"The answers to our prayers come in the Lord’s due time. Sometimes we may become frustrated that the Lord has delayed answering our prayers. In such times we need to understand that He knows what we do not know. He sees what we do not see. Trust in Him. He knows what is best for His child, and being a perfect God, He will answer our prayers perfectly and in the perfect time." ~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I've been crying alot lately and I've been having a VERY hard time dealing with "the Lord's timing." Those who know me know that I'm going to school to be an elementary school teacher and plan on specializing in special education. Those who know me well know that what I really want to do is have kids and be a stay at home mom. Ever since Nick lost his job I've been struggling to understand/see the Lord's purpose in this trial.


We had our whole plan laid out: He had a good job making good money, and was all set to graduate this coming June, at which point he would officially be an engineer and his salary would get a hefty boost. We were starting to look at houses and were hoping to buy one within a year, and we were also planning on starting a family. The plan was to start trying to get pregnant within the next couple of months here to time the baby for a few months after graduation... Then Nick lost his job and Cal Poly canceled all of their summer classes, effectively setting Nick's graduation date, and the start of our family, back by a year. I know that one year in the grand scheme of things is nothing, but for me right now, it feels like it might as well be an eternity. I keep reminding myself that the Lord knows what is best for me, and if I'm not having a baby right now, its because there is something else that needs to happen first. Over and over I tell myself that it will happen when we're ready, when the Lord sees we're ready. All in the Lord's time, All in the Lord's time, All in the Lord's time...


And yet, still the tears keep coming. Its not that I don't have faith, or patience, I have a lot of both, I just have this overwhelming feeling that is... drowning me, and it seems that my overflow valve is located in my eyes. Everytime I see a baby or a pregnant lady I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. I am trying so hard to be strong. I don't feel any ill will toward those that have babies or are pregnant, on the contrary I am elated for them. I am anxious everyday to check and see if they've updated their blogs so I can get my fix. I feel SO happy for them that it makes my heart ache, but at the same time, part of that ache is the yearning I feel to start that chapter of life for myself.


I'm sorry for the slightly depressing nature of this post, I just wanted to see if anyone else has had these feelings, or if anyone has any words of encouragement to help me get through this. I feel ridiculous, and I know that my problems are so trivial compared to what is going on in the world, and I have so many blessings to be grateful for.