May Bumpdate

Here's an update on my pregnancy:

Physically things have been wonderful thus far!  I haven't had any of the "normal" pregnancy symptoms... aka, no morning sickness (at least none worth mentioning).  Thank goodness.  I feel extremely grateful for that.  People keep asking me how I'm feeling, and the only thing I can say is "I feel great!"  The only real symptom of being pregnant I've had is extreme exhaustion, but even that is slowly getting better now that I'm in my second trimester.  Honestly, aside from the whole not having a period thing, I would have no idea that I was pregnant if I hadn't already had an ultrasound!  I am one lucky girl.

My whole first trimester passed without much of a hitch, but now that we're in the second trimester, the pregnancy hormones are in full effect.  So even though I feel fabulous physically, emotionally I feel like I got run over by a truck.  I am EXTREMELY self-conscious of the way I look.  Honestly, the only reason I'm taking weekly pictures is because I think I would be mad at myself later for not doing it.  I just feel fat all the time.  I can see my body changing and getting bigger, and even though I haven't actually gained a single pound, and even though I know its the baby growing that is causing these changes, I am having a much harder time with it than I ever imagined.

Today was an especially hard day emotionally.  I am really struggling with my self-esteem and with feeling valuable.  It just feels like every time I tell someone how I'm feeling I get responses like "you're just being silly" or "you need to stop worrying about it" or "that's just the hormones" or "you need to stop trying to control everything."  All of those responses just seem to make things so much worse.  I know things will get better, and I probably am being silly and worrying too much, but it doesn't change how I feel, and I wish that the people close to me could understand that.  But instead of those close to me understanding, I was yelled at and told off.  I often feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions.  One day I feel super happy and wonderful, and one day I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm lying on the ground being sucker punched.

On a lighter note, we find out if our little munchkin is a he or a she next weekend!  I cannot wait.  And actually, there are two people out there who already know!  My doctor wrote down the gender and sealed it in an envelope, which I then took to the lady who is making a cake for our gender reveal party on Saturday!  The one thing about the party that makes me sad is that my mother and father in law will be in Canada that weekend :(  Major bummer.  We had NO idea they had planned a trip out of town, and we're really hoping that they are able to skype or facetime or something so that they can still "be there" for the big reveal.  

At my doctor's appointment last week, the doctor told me that we have an incredibly active baby.  In fact, while she was using the doppler machine to listen to the heartbeat, she had to keep moving it around to get a good read because the baby kept flipping and moving.  I cannot wait to get to feel those movements!

So other than the MAJOR emotional breakdown today (and when I say major, I mean full on hysterics, can't catch my breath, can't calm down, waterworks... for several hours), this pregnancy has been fairly easy.  I love knowing that I have a little boy/girl growing inside me.  Pregnancy is such a miracle, and I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father entrusted me with the care of this little spirit.