Choices

From everything that has gone on I have learned some very valuable lessons.  The most prominent of which seems to be about choices.

Everyday we are faced with a plethora of choices... Do I get up now or hit snooze 3 more times and then run around like a crazy person so I'm not late for work because I hit snooze 3 times?  Am I going to be a good girl today and eat salad or am I going to eat ice cream for dinner like I really want to do?  Red shirt or blue shirt?  Jeans or crops? Comfy shoes or cute shoes or buy new shoes?

What I have learned from this experience is that when we go through difficult trials, we can choose to let those experiences make us bitter or make us better.  We can go around mad and upset, wondering,"Why me?" and letting our trial turn us into a bitter person.... OR we can use what we've gone through to help turn us into better people.  We can use the experience to make us stronger, make us wiser, make us more humble, more grateful, and closer to our Father in Heaven.  That is why God gives us trials, to help us become better versions of ourselves with each bump in the road.

I've had several people recently tell me that I am so strong, that I am handling myself through the face of adversity with so much grace.  I don't feel strong, or graceful.  I feel weak and clumsy, what makes me seem that way to the outside world is the choice I have made not to let my trial overcome me.  Everyday I make the choice not to break down, not to stay in bed and eat ice cream, not to call in sick to work because being around people when I feel so fragile is too hard, not to turn down a photo gig taking pictures of a baby because it makes my very soul ache with sorrow.  Instead I choose to pretend to be strong, because with each day that I choose to be happy and cheerful instead of depressed and sad it gets a little easier.  With each day that I choose not to be overwhelmed by my adversity, I get a little closer to overcoming it.

While it may not be easy to make those choices, that is what transforms our weakness into strength.  That is what allows the Lord to help us become more like Him.  And while everyday I wish with all my heart and soul that I still had that sweet little one growing inside me, I know that the Lord has a plan for me.  I know that because of what I have been through, I will appreciate the first moment when I see my precious baby even sweeter.  It will make me a better wife, a better mother, and a better person.

I want to choose strength.  Even though it is harder to choose strength than weakness, I want to choose strength.  I know that each time I choose strength I am actually getting a little stronger.